Bible reading

the goal is not to get through the scriptures. the goal is to get the scriptures through us. just a different way of looking at the yearly resolution to read through the Bible.

resolutions

bah!

why i love santa

isn't santa a bit like God? (i can feel the heretical arrowheads zooming overhead as i type this.) he, like God, lives in a place we cannot physically get to, he comes on Christmas bearing gifts which we don't deserve, he requires nothing in return for the aforementioned gifts, he returns year after year. santa is a fanciful picture of what our heavenly Father did for us in Christmas past. He sent us a gift that we most certainly didn't deserve and He expects nothing in return for this gift of love (not works of righteousness which we have done but by his mercy he saved us). so i love santa b/c he examplifies God in a way my little one can tangibly grasp. merry christmas to all and to all a good night.

further up and further in

"the further up and the further in you go, the bigger everything gets. the inside is larger than the outside." cs lewis - the last battle
how vast, how deep, how immeasurable the Father's love for me. the further up and the further in i choose to go, the more real and more beautiful it becomes.

God alone

trust in him at all times, o people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
ps 62:8

i cry out to God Most High,
to God, who fulfills his purpose for me,
God sends from heaven and saves me,
God sends his love and faithfulness.
ps 57:2-3

my soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from Him.
ps 62:1

Come and see what God has done,
how awesome his works in [my] behalf.
ps 66:5

insanity

i took the girls to the mall today
i lost my mind
they don't sell sanity
they don't sell straight jackets
i need both
they've recovered nicely
i don't bounce back as easily
what was i thinking

mundane

"there are no ordinary people. you have never talked to a mere mortal. nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life as a gnat. but it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors." cs lewis daily, we influence those around to become immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. for me, this means emmy and maddie. this made me think that these little people, although i've never thought them ordinary,they are constantly watching me, constantly taking cues from me about thier importance, constantly learning about their heavenly Father through my actions. (run-on sent) what is my influence on them? are they seeing Christ through me? Have they figured out that they are true princesses? that they are immortal souls and heirs of God. suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. my job isn't mundane - my job is eternal. they say you can't take anything with you into heaven, but i have two things - emmy and maddie - my eteranal splendors.

contusions

maddie won! she is the first of our children to require a trip to the ER, and she wasn't even doing one of her trade-mark death defying acts. she was sitting at the table eating lunch when she fell off the chair and hit her head. she became immediately sleepy. i raced her to the ER. soon after seeing the doctor she began dancing about as though nothing had happened, but she still had to get a CT scan to be sure. this ticked her off, but at least she was acting like her old self again. (she lives in a perpetual state of irritation mostly facilitated by big sissy.) the ct scan was normal and she is resting comfortably in her own bed.

He shall keep thee in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him. i haven't thought about this verse in a long time, but it popped in my head on thursday morning. during the early morning hours on friday we learned that nate's mom was rush to the hospital, (she fine, now.) and today maddie. He is perfect peace.

introductions

christmas is upon us. even arbys decked a christmas tree complete with garland, ornaments and a silver star. the star must have made quite an impression on maddie. she looked up and said, "hi star, i'm maddie." she can be so adorable.

it is finished

the Lord is good. it is finished (loud we screeched) at least til next august when we start anew. hopefully there will be fewer high b's involved. woo hoo!!!

stage fright

it amazes me that i could possibly get stage fright after all these years. i would rather direct a play, coordinate a wedding or manage the church's drama ministry than sing one little song in the christmas celebration. note, this will be the first song i have ever sang to a cd, and i believe that is why i'm a tad panicked. after all the cd doesn't follow me; i am forced to follow it. a difficult feat when there isn't a drop of rhythm flowing through your veins. oh well, sink or swim i'm singing tommorow and sunday.

picture perfect

two and a half hours of picture taking yesterday...
ten tear-stained, runny nosed, devil eyed, evil grinned poses
one sweet smiled, innocent eyed angelic pose
i bought 10 out of 11 poses. fact over fiction.

home sweet home

nothing better than being home. our own wonderfully messy,
fantastically unorganized,
brilliantly cluttered home.
oh, how i missed it.

turkey delight

yummiest of all days...
everything was better than turkish delight!

mud pies

i read this yesterday in my book a year with c.s.lewis, and wanted to share it with you all. it's scrumptious.

"the new testament has a lot to say about self-denial. nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. if there lurks in most modren minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, i submit that this notion has crept in from kant and stocics and is no part of the christian faith. indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that the Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. we are half-hearted creatures when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum b/c he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. we are far too easily pleased."

it's our brady house

dave and vicky moved into their house yesterday. both closings occurred with hiccups, but at least they occurred. megan and aaron really like the orange and blue kitchen (orange, blue and green floor tiles, orange countertops and walls, and the 1970's favorite, orange and green ceiling tiles.) the rest of the house follows the same color scheme. the palm tree wallpaper is also a '70's flashback. (definately a keeper.) but as v puts it, "it's our brady house." and that, afterall, is all that matters.

home is heaven's reflection. hopefully, it will be a little less orange in the years to come.

praise you in this storm

i was sure by now that you would have reached down and wiped our tears away
stepped in and saved the day
but once again i say "amen"
and it's still raining

as the thunder rolls
i barely hear you whisper through the rain
"i am with you"
and as your mercy falls
i raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

i'll praise you in this storm and i will lift my hands
for you are who you are no matter where i am
every tear i've cried you hold in your hand
you never left my side
and though my heart is torn i will praise you in this storm

i remember when i stumbled in the wind
you heard my cry
you raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can i carry on if i can't find you

i lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my strength come from?
my help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth

casting crowns

therefore we do not lose heart. though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 cor 4:16-18

well done

tomorrow dave and vicky are set to close on their old house (that God miraculously sold) and the new house (that God miraculously provided). God has been good to them even when His church has failed to be good and faithful. perhaps d and v are there in order to turn that church upside-down for Jesus. one day we'll know for sure why God has allowed all their hardships and struggles, but amidst all adversity they've been faithful. one day they will receive the greatest reward- "well done."

little cloud

snow's falling in indy thanks to emmy. her wish came true. i asked her if she wished on little star for snow and she said, "no, i wished on little cloud." well, that makes sense. snow comes from the clouds not stars.

wet feet

today's sermon was about stepping out on faith. interesting how that keeps coming up, huh? n- actually filled me in on this one since i was in with the kids. pastor spoke on the miracle parting of the jordan river. he focused on the fact that the river didn't part until the priest stepped in. they had to get their feet wet. the God of miracles wants me to step out into the river and dare to ask for miracles too.

classroom blues

last night we took emmy to an open house at heritage. emmy's response: " it was not beautiful. (n- and i had been discussing the facilities.) and it's boring."
i asked, "what did you think about the art room?"
"it's boring", she replied.
"what about the music room?"
response - "it's boring."
"what about the computer lab?" i questioned
"it was good." finally a positive answer from our woe-be-gone four year old.
what about the library?
"it was good too." two in a row...
"what about the K5 classroom?"
my luck ran out with this one. " it's boring."
the gym also struck out.

her continued solution to our "where should we send em to school dilema" - "i'll go to mommy's school."

to be continued...

all lines are busy, please continue holding

annoyed
disconnected twice
the fourth person finally comprehended my question
still annoyed
finished

tagged but 23 less

ghost'sword tagged me, but i haven't been blogging long enough to have 23 enteries. so i decided to pick one and use the 5th sentence.

from watch out isaac newton here comes maddie...
it's fabulous being the mother of the brightest kids in the room.

i'm a proud "ma" (as maddie calls me), so this sentence did describe me well.

also, i don't even have "token" taggees b/c elea & christy are my blogging buddies, so this is the chink in the chain...

popcorn

on sunday morning around 3:am a horrible storm rolled through indy. the wind howled, the rain thrashed, thunder crashed, and hailed danced around the house. n- went in to emmy's room to check on her and she declared that the storm sounded like popcorn. and indeed it did. our little shakespeare using simile. a mother couldn't be more proud. :-)

later sunday afternoon she set up all her cat figures and said,"they are going to the theater" i asked "what play are they going to see?" she responded, "knockdown." appearently, the stage was her slide, and she was the actor who (according to the script) would slide and knockdown the audience. wouldn't want to be in that peanut gallery. once again, a mother couldn't be more proud.

voice of truth

be not afraid neither be dismayed for i am with thee...

oh what i would do to have the faith it takes to climb
out of this boat i'm in on to the crashing waves
to step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown
where jesus is
and he's holding out his hand

but the waves are calling out to me and they laugh at me
reminding me of all the times i've tried before and failed
the waves they keep on telling me time and time again
"boy you'll never win. you'll never win"

but the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
the the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
out of all the voices calling out to me
i will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

oh what i would do to have the strength to stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
wishing they'd have had strength to stand

but the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
reminding me of all the times i've tried before and failed
the giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"boy, you'll never win. you'll never win"

but the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
out of all the voices calling out to me
i will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

but the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high on top of them looking down
i will soar with the wings of eagles
when i stop and listen to the voice of Jesus singing over me

i will listen and believe
i will listen and believe the voice of truth
i will listen and believe
cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
i will listen to you

casting crowns

elea, these are the lyrics to the song i mentioned last night. we'll send you the file later, but n- wants me to call before we send it to avoid bogging down your email.

dive

to my dearest friends who are leaping:

the long awaited rains have fallen hard on the thristy ground
and carved their way to where to wild and rushing river can be found
and like the rains i have been carried here to where the river flows
my heart is rushing and my knees are weak as i walk to the edge
i know there is no turning back once my feet have left the ledge
and in the rush i hear a voice that's telling me it's time to take a leap of faith
so here i go

i'm diving in
i'm going deep in over my head
i want to be caught in the rush
lost in the flow
in over my head i want to go
the river's deep
the river's wide
the river's water is alive
so sink or swim
i'm diving in

there is a supernatural power in this might river's flow
it can bring the dead to life and it can fill the empty soul
and give the heart the only thing worth living and worth dying for
but we will never know the awesome power of the grace of God
until we let ourselves get swept away into this holy flood
so if you'll take my hand we'll close our eyes and count to three
and take the leap of faith
come on let's go...

steven curtis chapman - dive

i kneel before the father. i pray that out of his glorious riches he may
strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, and i pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power to grasp, how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
now to him that is able to do immeasureably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory... eph 3:14-20

house of cards

"God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. he knew it already. it was i who didn't. in this trial he makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. he always knew that my temple was a house of cards. his only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down. "
c.s. lewis a grief observed
God doesn't need to send trials my way for his sake, he does it for my sake. he does it so i can see my flaws as he sees them. he does this not to break my will or destroy me, but to mold me into a vessel "fit for the master's use." he knocks down my "house of cards" because he loves me. he builds again.

watch out isaac newton, here comes maddie

our littlest einstein learned a new scientific concept today - gravity. as her ball crashes to the earth she shouts "gravity". she's been doing this on and off all day. (emmy learned this trick at about the same age, but she liked to demonstrate gravity using fries.) it's fabulous being the mother of the brightest kids in the room. :-) woo hoo!!!

current read

i'm currently reading the life you've always wanted by john ortberg. it has actually bought me to tears as it describes my life. (as you know that is a pretty difficult feat.) it is a study of the spiritual disciplines related to ordinary people. and as a bonus john quotes our dear friend c.s. lewis often.

Jesus Jesus Jesus

maddie made up a new dance this week. it's her Jesus dance. she runs in a circle around the room with her arms raised to the heavens singing Jesus, Jesus, Jesus High. true joyous praise and love to her Jesus.

suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

refrigerators and apples

years ago (in college) my aunt helen wrote me a letter with two stories seperate stories about child-like faith and i want to share them with my dearest friends b/c God keeps reminding me of these stories.
my aunt and uncle had very little money when their children were young, so when the refrigerator broke down they weren't sure what to do. they couldn't afford a new one; they could afford a repair man; they couldn't afford to buy all new food. my aunt was in tears and their little boy, Mike said, "why don't we ask God to fix it?" being a good mom and sunday school teacher she said o.k., hardly believing anything would come of it, but she had to pray b/c her 6 year old suggested it. Mike, his younger brother, jim, and my aunt knelt before the fridge and asked God to fix it. upon the final amen the motor roared. the fidge lasted for years after God fixed it.

she also wrote about another time her children taught her a lesson in faith. the boys wanted her to make an apple pie. she advised them that she had no extra money that week to buy apples. the boys prayed for apples on the way to the store. they left the store without any apples. God rained apples on them on the way home, however. A truck lost a crate of apples and there were apples everywhere. it was such a little thing and it taught those boys (and me) that God cares about the littlest detail and desire of our lives. it's not just an apple to God.

c.s.lewis said, "lay before him what is in us, not what ought to be in us."

praying hard for purple bikes...

breakfast of champions

eggo waffles and airheads - what more can you want when you're two and four.

anti-puppy sentiments

after chasing maddie about the house, tackling, and sitting on her, i was able to force her into her puppy costume. she screamed and stomped and growled, but in the end mom won. our rabie infected pouch changed tune when she realized the purpose of this expedition. - candy calmed our savage little beast.

God is God

and the pain falls like a curtain on the things i once called certain
and i have to say the words i fear the most i just don't know.
and the questions without answers come and paralize the dancer
so i stand here on the stage afraid to move
afraid to fall, oh, but fall i must
on this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and i am not
i can only see a part of the picture he's painting
God is God and i am man
so i'll never understand it all
for only God is God

and the sky is filled with thunder
and i'm filled with awe and wonder till the only question that remains is
who am i
can i form a single mountain
take the stars in hand and count them
can i even take a breath without God giving it to me
he is first and last before all that has been
beyond all that will pass

how great are the riches of his wisdom and knowledge
how unsearchable for to Him and through him and from Him
are all things

so let us worship before the throne of the one who is worthy of worship alone.

steven curtis chapman

how can i fear when the omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent God is my Father.
to fear to to take my eyes of Jesus...

random acts of kindness

today we spent hours in search of an animal rescuer costume. they're hard to find b/c every four year old little girl wants to be an animal rescuer for halloween. oh wait, that's not true, most four year old little girls want to be cinderella. our little girl will be the only little girl or boy at fright free fun night (at our church) dressed in a hunting vest. we scoured the stores for a tackle vest in her size, but it's hunting season not fishing season, so a hunting vest it is. while on my desperate expedition to find a tackle vest in an extra small child size, i stopped at the local tractor supply company. i asked the man at desk if they had munchkin vests - of couse not. then i asked if they had cheap binoculars - they did for bird watching. then the man asked why i needed cheap binoculars and a tackle vest. (apparently an odd combination. ) so i told him that my little princess wanted to be an animal rescuer for halloween. he asked her age, gasped at her vivid imagination for her age and said, "come by tomorrow and i'll give her a pair of binoculars and a safari hat i don't use. i would rather a child develop her imagination and get some use out of these things then let them continue to sit in my closet." ah, a random act of kindness towards my small animal rescuer.

maddie is going as a puppy. unfortunately, that's what emmy has been calling her. we maybe forking out much $$$ in the future for maddie's psychologist. but that is another post.

blackberries

earth's crammed with heaven,
and every common bush afire with God
but only he who sees takes off his shoes
the rest sit around it and pluck blackberries
ebbrowning

i wonder if i pay attention to burning bushes around me or am i just too busy to see the flames, too busy to hear the crackle, and feel the heat. what am i missing while i eat of the fruit or even ignore it all together. what does God want me to learn from those who do take off their shoes and be still. what does he want me learn from those who just eat their berries. well as you've probably guessed there is a deep seeded reason for all this philosophy. Dave and Vicky are sitting at the burning bush being still and faithful while the church about them are apparently eating "crack"berries. okay, that wasn't nice, but... this evening as i sit at the bush (not as patiently as my sister) i'm praying that God will interrupt the sleep of the deacons and pastor of their church, open their eyes and loan Dave and Vicky 50K to buy the house God has obviously provided. specifically, i am praying that God will lead the deacons and pastor to agreeing that dave and vicky should only repay the loan if they leave the church or sell the house. the current deacon plan would put them in a worse financial situation then they are currently in. which is ridiculous. i am amazed at how many doors God has opened for the church to do the right thing, but amazed at how many times the deacons have slammed the door on God and said "God must be shutting the door." they don't even see the bush a flame right in front of them. i'm also thankful for an unsaved real estate agent who sold there house in two hours, for an unsaved neighbor of my parents who wants to sell them a house for close to 50K less tan he could ask for, and an unsaved banker who is bending over backwards to get them a loan that would work for them. notice all the people helping them are unsaved. God is good and He is providing, now if only the saved would sit up and notice God and join him in His work, instead of working so hard against him. so with that very long and confusing story complete, i ask you to join me in prayer tonight and tomorrow for dave and vicky, their children (who are freaking out at the possibility of being homeless for the second time in four years at the hands of God's people) and the pastor and deacons of the church that they will realize God wants leave their "comfort zone and jump into the great unknown where Jesus is holding out his hand"

facets of God

c.s.lewis once surmised that each of us is created to see a different facet of God's beauty- something no one else can see in quite the same way - and then bless all worshippers through all eternity with an aspect of God they could not otherwise see. - screwtape letters
isn't grand to know that God love us enough to make us unique, so we can worship him like no other can.

sky art

yesterday, as we walked to the park under brillant baby blue skies, emily looked up, stopped and exclaimed, "look at the sky art." adults would see polution spread by jets, but emmy saw art.

stained glass masquerade

is there anyone that fails
is there anyone that falls
am i the only one in church today feelin' so small

'cause when i take a look around
everyone seems so strong
i know they'll soon discover
that i don't belong

i tuck it all away, like everything's okay
if i make them all believe it, maybe i'll believe it too
so with a painted grin, i play the part again
so everyone will see me the way i see them

is there anyone who's been there
are there any hands to raise
am i the only one who's traded
in the alter for a stage

the performance is convincing
and we know every line by heart
only when no one's watching
can we really fall apart

but would it set me free
if i dared to let you see
the truth behind the person
that you imagine me to be

would your arms be open
or would you walk away
would the love of jesus
be enough to make you stay

are we happy plastic people
under shiny plastic steeples
with walls around our weakness
and smiles to hide our pain
but if the invitation's open
to every heart that has been broken
maybe then we close the curtain on our
stained glass masquerade

mark hall nichole nordeman - casting crowns

the best theatrical talent resides in our churches. mark hall writes "i don't think it bothers the world that we sin. i think it bothers the world that we act like we don't."

he knows my name

i have a maker
he formed my heart
before even time began
my life was in his hands

i have a father
he calls me his own
he'll never leave me
no matter where i go

he knows my name
he knows my every thought
he sees each tear that falls
and hears me when i call

no one can deliver me out of your hand
for you created my inmost being
and you knit me together in my mother's womb
your eyes saw my unformed body
you summon me by name and call me your own
i am precious and honored in your sight
because you love me
i am created for your glory

tommy walker


in memory of will habegger. september 12, 2005 - october 13, 2005
to read more about will please see his website www.caringbridge.org
visit - willhabegger

stolen house

today we visited the ruins of the house we lived in last winter. a few weeks ago it was torn down and all that is left is a mound of dirt. emmy first asked, "where did they move the house to?" followed by "it's o.k. we don't live there anymore." followed by "the house was stolen; i hope they don't steal our new house." i assured her our new house was still standing and had not been stolen.

mustard seeds

"if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain, 'move from here to there' and it will move. nothing will be impossible for you." matthew 17:20
yesterday my sister, vicky, sold her house. typically homes in their area take a year to sell. yesterday my sister put a for sale sign up in her yard. yesterday it took two hours to sell for full asking price. yesterday a miracle happened because their family took hold of a mustard seed and wouldn't let go; God moved their mountain. in fact, a few weeks ago dave, (brother-in-law) told vicky, "God can sell this house in a day if he wants" God took that mustard seed and did abundantly above. they don't have a house to move into yet, but God sold their house he'll povide a new one. more mustard seeds. more mountains. the question becomes clear. why are we so surprised that their house sold in two hours? we've prayed that if the Lord wanted them to go back into ministry that He would provide. we've prayed specifically that the house would sell quickly and when it does we stand mystified.

just a mustard seed...

praise be to God who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or even imagine!

Blogging - Clogging or Flogging?

i haven't decided whether i'm up for blogging. my writing skills have faltered in the past four years. currently, i'm re-learning to print the ABC's with my 4 year old. (one letter per page) be patient as i attempt to re-master the art of words. the verdict is still out whether this experience will resemble an exhilarating dance or a cruel beating. i lean towards the latter.